For those who questioned my dedication to the couch I have included the poem that I wrote way back in 1995. There are a few little marijuana references and, if you are reading this Mum, I no longer keep a bong under the couch…it’s under my bed 
My Couch
Oh how I love to lie on my couch
For a majority of the day
And not move for a single soul
No matter what they say.
They could say that there’s a fire
And still I would remain
In a droopy pile of human flesh
On my couch – my celestial domain.
My couch is made of fake grey leather
And it’s the exact same length as me
And no matter what problems I have outdoors
My couch will set me free.
There is a down side to my joy
And it may well make you scoff
But when it’s hot and I start to sweat
You have to peel me off.
I just lie there and shout commands
At anyone who may pass
‘Get my tea, a cig, some beer
the bong and then the grass!’
If they were to ignore my pleas
Or if everyone had gone out
I still would not get off my couch
and instead I’d go without.
So if no one came to visit me
That’s exactly where I’d stay
Watching TV, smoking drugs
And slowly wasting away.
And when one day someone noticed a smell
They’d approach my house with care
And discover the corpse of a girl who’s life
Was devoted to her chair.
The first week of my couch to half marathon training regimen went down without too much of a hitch (3×30 min runs and one 5km run). Sure, there was panting, moaning, sweating, gasping and spluttering but not a single hitch! One of the runs even involved getting up at 6.30am!
I’m following a training program that I found on the net, a 12 week marathon training program for beginners. you can also check out the Cool Running couch to 5km podcast, it talks you through walk/run sessions for about a month up to 5km. There is a fairly thick American accent and at times it’s repetitive but the 90s house/techno music is strangely motivating.
I got a parcel in the mail yesterday from my little brother, Daz. The gorgeous man sent me one of those iPod+Nike thing-a-ma-jigs that you put in your shoe and connect to your iPod and it plays motivating messages and training programs to motivate you. He also sent me a new iPod Nano engraved with the words ‘Darren’s contribution to couch to half marathon.’ What a bloody sweetheart! I cried like a baby.
After observing my blubbering and chin-wobbly phone call to thank Dazaroo, my son asked me what I would do if he threw it out of the car window. I told him I’d throw him out after it, only I’d turn around and go back for the iPod. Anywho, I have to download the latest itunes (one hour and 33 mins to go) and then I’ll be able to put my music on and take it out for a trial run tomorrow.
My wonderful Dad also phoned me last night and said he’d send me the Nike shoes that the thing-a-ma-jig goes into. It’s a fantastic motivator and I can’t wait to take it out for a run tomorrow.
Each run has been a complete struggle but I guess that it’s to be expected. After my first 5km run I was absolutely exhausted and couldn’t help bit think that in just over 3 months I’ll be running 5 times that distance and then one more km!
I have the gorgeous Barwon River just down the road from me so that’s where I head for my runs. It’s amazing the things you see when you’re out among nature: a little bunny beside the path (that didn’t even flinch as I thundered by); what I thought was a giant squirrel but turned out to be a dog (about 3km in and hallucinating) and a man with his willy out! Yes, you read right – a penis! (It’s alright Mum, it was flaccid!) This guy was fishing and was standing there having a wee. Perhaps he thought no one could see, or perhaps he thought everyone could see!
No, I didn’t yell, ‘You won’t catch a thing with that rod!’ But only because of shortness of breath.
